


Maybe I said too much; Maybe I didn't say enough

by Bratnissneverclean



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: AU, M/M, NCT Dream - Freeform, nomin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:35:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24666973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bratnissneverclean/pseuds/Bratnissneverclean
Summary: "I complicated our lives by falling in love with himI complicated our lives, now I'm losing my only friend"After a night of drinking, a love confession is made.The only issue is.Only one of them can remember.
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Kudos: 13





	1. Tell me what I don't wanna hear

“Jeno! Jeno wake up we gotta go!”

Jeno turned over in deck chair he had claimed as a make shift bed the night before, mumbling something about needing five more minutes while he buried his face into his hoodie… or in that moment, his pillow.

They had been staying at Jaemin’s aunts place while she was out of town, she had let Jaemin house shit, once he promised to clean up before they left.

“I’m not joking; get the fuck up! Now!”

With a heavy, protesting sigh, Jeno sat up in his chair – his eyes burned from being awoken so suddenly and his brain was fuzzy from the stupid amount of soju he and Jaemin had drank that night. He rubbed his eyes and turned to look at Jaemin, who was nothing more than a blur of denim and pastel pink hair; he was running around the pool collecting up their belongings, soving them haphazardly into a rug sake as he did so.

Jeno was confused.

Why was Jaemin in such a hurry?

It was only Saturday and Jaemin’s aunt… or was it his uncle? Whatever.

They were meant to have the place until Sunday morning.

“Why are you shouting?” Jeno finally managed to choke out through his dry throat, “Why are you in such a hurry?”

Jaemin spun around on the balls of his feet, throwing Jeno’s – uncomfortably damp t-shirt at him in the process.

“The family that own this place are home; we gotta make a move before they catch us. I’m fucked if I get In anymore trouble.”

“But you said…?”

“Never mind what I said!”, the pink haired boy snapped in hushed, but in no way any less intimidating tone, “I was lying.”

Finally something clicked in Jeno’s alcohol soaked brain and he jumped to his feet to aid his friend in their escape. The two frantically gathered up their reminder of their shit and ran like the wind through the picture perfect garden, jumping over the garden fence with as much grass as a gazelle that had been badly maimed by a lion moments early once they had reached a dead end.

“I fucking hate You, Na Jaemin”, Jeno hissed, landing on his ass on the other side of the fence.

“No you don’t” Jaemin said with a smile, offering his hand to his floored best friend. “You love me”

“The hell I do!”

Jeno’s heart raced in his chest, it felt like war drums against his ribs and it was only getting louder and louder, he was almost sure Jaemin could hear it. Behind the mess of bleach blonde hair, he looked up at his friend – who was still speaking, but his own pulse was drowning out his words.

With a jagged breath, he took his hand.

“Breakfast is on me.”

Jeno nodded, pulling himself up with jaemin’s help.

* * *

Their journey to the nearest fried chicken place should’ve taken 5 minutes, but due to a series of unfortunate events (Jeno threw up twice and Jaemin laughed so hard at the sight he gave himself an asthma attack), it took closer to 30 minutes all in all.

But the two boys were now eating as fast as the aging shop owner could cook.

Plates of discarded chicken bones lay bare of any and all meat in front of them, their glasses struggled to hold the endless sea of cider the poured into them.

From the outside looking in, they seemed like they were living their best life in that little run down chicken place. But if you looked closely you’d notice Jaemin hadn’t said more than one word since they sat down – other than offering short one worded responses in reply to his best friend.

Jeno hadn’t seemed to noticed how quiet his partner in crime was, and if he did, he wasn’t letting it show.

Jaemin nervously fiddled with the hem of his, still uncomfortably damp, hoodie sleeves – he sat just as silent as ever, simply watching Jeno devoured the last of his meal. Words he desperately wanted to say lay on the tip of his tongue, they practically burned him the longer they sat there – it felt like a red hot poker was being put out using just the feeble of saliva his ever dry mouth could produce.

The pastel haired boy took a sharp intake of breath, a weak attempt to steady himself before he spoke.

But before he got a chance, Jeno’s voice was carried to his ears first.

“You’re acting weird again”, the blonde teased, with a smile that lit up his whole face.

“Not the first time that’s been said.”

“And it won’t be the last either.”

Jaemin flipped him off, much to Jeno’s amusement.

“I’m just tired, it’s nothing to worry about.”

“Promise?”

Jaemin nodded.

Jeno mirrored his actions, nodding back in acceptance.

And just like that, Jeno went back to his food – only stopping gasp for air, or to curse Jaemin out under his breath for lying to him about the house they called their own for a few fleeting hours.

Jeno’s ranting and raving lasted while he finished his food, and in the bathroom before they paid and left, and during the walk to the bus stop, Jaemin was starting to feel like a naughty child getting scolded for disappointing their parents. But Jeno’s anger, if you even really call it that (he was smiling half of the time), had died off during their endless wait for Jeno’s bus home and was replaced with conversations and plans for the next few days. Jeno took the lead in the conversation, Jaemin was still struggling with the words he couldn’t spit out, and Jeno was starting to notice something was wrong again – Jaemin had caught him shooting concerned glances in his direction through the corner of his eyes.

After a small eternity, the bus pulled up beside them and Jeno rummaged around for his pass.

_Ask him!_

_Fucking ask him!_

_Now!_

“Jeno?”

“Hmm?” he offered in response, already heading towards the bus’ doors.

“Do you remember… Um…”

“Na, what is it? Hyung looks pissed that I’m holding up everyone.”

That he did.

“Do you remember what we spoke about last night? When we were in the pool…?”

Jeno glanced towards the sky, his eyes looked focused and intense. Jaemin could tell he was thinking hard to find the memory, he’d seen that face many times before.

“Nope! To be honest… I don’t even remember being in the pool at all! Text me about it later if its something important, okay? I gotta blast!”

“Ye-yeah, of course. Safe trip!”

Jaemin’s face felt like it was on fire, his stomach churned with anxiety. How could he not remember? Like a broken record Jeno’s words were playing on his mind on a loop, they were drunken and slurred, dripping with soju and chlorine tinged water. But they were real… At least they felt real.

But if they were, in fact, real. Why had Jeno forgotten them?

_I like you, Na Jaemin._  
_Do you like me too?_

“Of course I do; you blind idiot”, Jaemin repeated the memory under his breath as he watched the bus drive away, along with his chance to clear things up.

Those words died with him now.


	2. TEXT MESSAGE #001

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JAEMIN'S NOW PLAYING: `
> 
> XYLØ - Have You Ever Been In Love?
> 
> "Love is a dog from hell  
> And it's hungry as well  
> What can I say?  
> The most beautiful word in the English language is, "stay"  
> Red lipstick  
> My mouth is a ring of fire, kiss it  
> You're such a handsome liar, is it  
> Is it hard being you?"

❤도토리❤   
  


**Today** 2:05 PM  
NANANA  
BATMAN  
Did someone finally break your thumbs or did you forget how to text? lol  
You free after school today?   
Helloooooo?   
Is that a no?   
**Today** 5:05 PM  
Nana?   
YOOOOOO  
TT  
Jaemin?   
Maybe some other time, yeah? I made plans with someone else.  
  
Oh... OK  
Have Fun!  



	3. Feeling pretty sad, pretty sad, pretty sad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JENO'S NOW PLAYING: 
> 
> Fleurie - Nomad
> 
> "Maybe we're two sides of the same coin  
> Closing our eyes to help us avoid  
> That only one of us can land face up in the toss  
> Or maybe the end is just the start of us  
> Two stars in a cosmic bust  
> We've fallen but we still we trust the sky  
> To pull us back into"

_Tick…. Tock_

_Tick… tock_

_Tiiiiiiick_

_._

_._

_._

_._

_Tock_

The more Jeno watched the clock tick away in his last class before his weekend of freedom, the slower time seemed to get, and every passing second felt like an hour, meaning every minute weighed down on him like a years’ worth of pent up restlessness and anxiety. Jeno didn’t like this feeling, he was never the most social of kids, but he wasn’t exactly rendered useless in the company of others either. Truth be told, Jeno actually really enjoyed school. His grades were high, he got along well with his classmates, hell even his teachers were known to bend the rules for him, due to a mutual understanding of one another.

So it was safe to say it wasn’t his longing for freedom that drove time to a screeching halt. No. It was the count down until he had the chance to see Jaemin again for the first time since Monday morning; although to say he had seen him on that day would be a hugs overstatement. He’d seen a shock of pink hair working it’s way though the sea of students scrambling to get to their next class, and got a one worded response over text and that was it.

Not just for that day either.

It’s been like that for the whole week.

Except worse.

Because Jaemin hadn’t been in school since then and he still wasn’t replying to his messages either. At one point during the week he was just about ready to travel across town to where Jaemin lived, fully ready to demand why he was leaving him on read, and to find out why he was missing from school. But before Jeno could even get the chance, his mom informed him she had bumped into Jaemin’s mom at the store and she had told her Jaemin was feeling unwell and needed a few days off to recover from whatever bug he had picked up. Jeno accepted that, but not without question. Because in the 10 years he’d know Na Jaemin, nothing had stopped them from talking every day. Not even that time when Jeno was in Japan and Jaemin was in hospital to get his tonsils removed; Jaemin couldn’t even speak, and they mainly just watched movies together over FaceTime. But he was back today; Hwang Hyunjin from class B had told him he’d seen him near the music room during lunch; but by the time Jeno got there, Jaemin was long gone, a half a cigarette is all that remained. (That half normally belonged to Jeno.)

_So why was now any different?_

Jeno’s heart pounded uncomfortably in his chest.

Class was seconds away from ending, his belongings were already packed and he was ready to run, all he was waiting for was the sound of an aging, dying buzzer to come over the schools speaker system.

_5_

_… on your marks_

_4_

_…_

_3_

_… get set_

_2_

_BZZZZZZZZZZZZ_

Jeno was up and out of the room before the teacher even had the chance to finish rattling off the homework for the weekend. He had somewhere to be, and he could easily text someone for it later, he’d just have to think of an excuse to wipe away his rudeness by Monday morning.

* * *

Jeno all but sprinted through the hallways full of students, more than once he tripped over his own feet and had to stop himself from breaking his own face on a locker in the process. He didn’t care how demented he looked, or about how many people he sent flying as he barrelled through chatting friend groups. He had a cruel, uncaring sea of questions crashing around in his skull, and each one threatened to deliver the killing blow to his sanity every time it crashed into his current train of thought. He couldn’t risk Jaemin leaving again, if he had to spend the weekend locked inside again, with nothing but a list of unanswered text messages haunting him, he may actually go insane.

“Jaemin!” he yelled breathlessly, having noticed his friend hair.

Jaemin didn’t respond and Jeno called his name out again as he closed the gap, grabbing his friend wrist to get his attention. The younger of the two spun around, and Jeno could tell he was trying his best to looking intimidating, like he was ready to fight whoever had grabbed him. Jaemin didn’t exactly have the kind of face that would instil fear into someone, no matter how hard he tried, he always just ended up looking cute.

His expression quickly changed, his face turned expressionless as he cheeks grew redder. Jeno released his grip and waited for the other to remove his EarPods before trying to speak. Jeno’s mouth was dry when he first tried to speak, his heart pounded even harder than before, and for a second he felt lightheaded. Maybe it was the adrenalin… Maybe it was the touch of Jaemin’s sk—Jeno shook his head, sending the thoughts and desires he long hid back to he Pandora’s box of his brain. Back to where they belong.

“Hey—Um—“, he hesitated.

“Hyung, I promised my mom I’d help out with the chores after school today, so can we talk some other time?”

“Hyung? EH? Since when am I hyung?”

“Oh, should I call you oppa instead?”

Jeno had to stop himself from punching him.

“You know that’s not what I meant!”

Jeno sighed, everything in this moment felt wrong; one look at Jaemin’s face and Jeno could tell he was uncomfortable and would run if given the chance. This made the knot in Jeno’s stomach in worse. What happened that night to make Jaemin act like this? Was it something he said? Something he’d done? He cursed himself for allowing himself to drink so much, he cursed Jaemin for not filling in the gaps and he cursed the world for being so hard to understand sometimes.

“Is there something on my face?” Jaemin enquired, pulling Jeno out of his mind again.

“Huh?”

“You’re staring at me.”

“AAAH! I’m sorry, I’m sorry! Just a little in my own he—“

Jaemin interrupted, repeating what he had said before, about needing to help his mom out back home. But Jeno still had his questions, still wanted to know why his best friend in the entire wor;d had blanked for him a week, FOR NO FUCKING REASON.

“So you’re just leaving first then, huh?” Jeno snapped.

Jaemin closed his eyes and sighed, “Not now, jeno, okay? I’m not in the mood to have an argument with you right now.” With that Jaemin turned and walked away, leaving Jeno to walk home alone, once again – with nothing but his own jumbled thoughts and the stinging pain that comes before a wave of tears.


	4. My head's out the window tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JAEMIN'S NOW PLAYING:
> 
> XYLØ - Dead End Love
> 
> "Headlights under the stars oh  
> Tell me, what day is it again?  
> Front seat with a cigarette  
> Don't stop driving, driving  
> We'll never get there 'cause we  
> Don't have anywhere to go  
> Stay on the Interstate  
> And don't stop driving, driving"

The night Jeno confessed his feelings to Jaemin was the night everything inside Jaemin changed. Jaemin felt the same way about Jeno, and he always has, he was just too afraid to ruin the friendship with a misjudged confession of love, but Jeno’s words unlocked the feelings Jaemin desperately tried to keep in the darkest corners of his mind.

Now those feelings were at the forefront of his mind.

**And Jeno has no idea he even said anything;** and Jaemin felt incredibly guilty walking around with his unknown confession on shoulders. Jeno said what he said while he was drunk, not sober, part of him was unlocked in his messed up state and his feelings sprung forward. Totally out of his control, yet they still felt more real than not. 

That’s how Jaemin seen it anyway; and he honestly didn't know what to do about it.

“Tell me that again when you’re sober.”

“Why?”

“That way I know it’s real.”

“JAEMIN-AAAAAAAAAAAAH I LIKE YOU!”

“YAAAA!”

* * *

Ignoring Jeno didn’t come easy or natural to Jaemin, every text that lit up his phone screen was opened without thinking, thumbs ready to bounce back paragraphs of text. Video call requests were waited out, while Jaemin bit his nails down to nothing, struggling with himself to not hit answer. He wasn’t sure how he managed go through a week of hell, ignoring Jeno at every step of the way. 

He most of his time locked away in his room, like a Disney princess that’s been told she can’t go to the ball, or in this case, the prince forgot who she is.

He missed his partner in crime more and more every day. He thought taking a few days off school to let Jeno’s confession wither and die in his brain would be the best thing to do. But in hindsight, it was the worst thing imaginable. They didn’t die like the last flowers of spring like he thought, no, the words replayed and soared through his mind until they bloomed like cherry blossoms, bright and full of life.

_Just like Jeno._

A memory flashes into his mind, it was Jeno smiling wide and bright, his hair was newly dyed his signature white. It was the day they both dyed their hair, unbeknownst to the other; Jaemin could almost smell the hair dye.

“You look so cute!” Jaemin mumbled in time with his memory, dubbing in words that made Jeno’s sparkle like the night sky even in a faded memory.

The warmth of safety of that memory was ruined when Jeno’s face changed, it took on a new edge, his eyes were red from the lack of sleep, his skin was pale and he looked like a lost puppy dog. Jaemin’s heart hurt; it’s how jeno looked when he left him at school that afternoon. Tears welled up in his eyes and Jaemin tried to steady himself, blowing a straight line of breath through pursed lips.

_I need to talk to him; ignoring him is solving nothing in this situation._

Jaemin picked up his phone, his figures searching for Jeno’s name on instinct.

He paused, leaving the message field blank.

_But is selfish of me to relay back words Jeno said to me while he wasn’t in control? Is it anymore selfish than ignoring him to help me deal with my own feelings while he suffers in a state of confusion brought on by me?_

_Worst case scenario – things are awkward for a moment; best case?_

Jaemin’s heart jumped into his throat, his cheeks burned like lava.


	5. TEXT MESSAGE #002

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JAEMIN'S NOW PLAYING:
> 
> Lady GaGa - 1000 Doves
> 
> "I need you to listen to me, please believe me  
> I'm completely lonely, please don't judge me  
> When your tears are falling, I'll catch them as they fall  
> I need you to listen to me, please don't leave me  
> I'm not perfect yet but I'll keep trying  
> When your tears are falling, I'll catch them as they fall"

❤도토리❤   
  


**Today** 11:11 PM  
We should talk  
  
I don’t trust you when you’re not using emojis  
🤦♂️🌹🐱👓🤞✔🎁🤢🙄😖👹  
  
Better?   
  
Usual spot?  
💚  
  



End file.
